Exercise is something that has been an important part of my life for many years. I am always striving to become more consistent with my workout routine, and to find what kind of routine works best for me and my fitness goals. One thing that I have discovered about myself is that I LOVE CLASSES. I first started out taking classes in college about 9 years ago as a way to start my day: Yoga, Dance Aerobics, Kickbox Aerobics, Step Aerobics, Pilates, Body Pump, you name it. I fell in love! Classes offered variety, a structured framework, and the mental stimulation that kept me engaged. When I graduated from college I transitioned to 24 fitness classes, and have tried nearly every class available. I also take advantage of the random Groupon at other fitness studios from time to time.
In recent months I have found myself less consistent with my exercise routine than in previous years/months. In a good month I would often complete 2 hours of gym classes after work ~4 days out of the week. Of course even then I wasn't content with that, as I really expected myself to exercise EVERYDAY. The point is, my exercise habits have always been a work in progress, with some periods being more consistent than others.
So part of the rationale behind this challenge was to increase my consistency. Consistency is EVERYTHING! You could have the most beautiful behaviors for days on end, but if you are not consistent you are not going to experience the results you are looking for. End of story. And like most people, consistency is something I struggle with in all areas of life.
To help increase my consistency, I lowered my expectations in the number of hours that I planned to exercise each day (1 instead of 2 hours), and instead increased the number of days I would expect myself to exercise (7 days a week, instead of 4-6 days a week).
Beyond increasing consistency, another part of the challenge was to see if I could create a successful routine without a gym membership. Deprived of my beloved classes and gym equipment, I knew I would have to get creative.
Part of the reason for this challenge was to save money on a gym membership for a few months. And another reason was that I felt it would help me expand my exercise horizons. And it did.
The following is a list of the exercise that I completed over the course of 30 Days:
Day 1
Solo Living Room Dance Party 60 Minutes
Walking 15 minutes
Day 2
Yoga 30 Minutes
Walking 40 minutes
Day 3
Dancing 60 minutes
Day 4
Walking 70 minutes
Dancing 60 minutes
Moving Heavy Items 30 minutes
Day 5
Walking 60 minutes
Dancing 30 minutes
Day 6 (DID NOT MEET CRITERIA)
Walking 30 minutes
Dancing 10 minutes
Day 7
Walking 35 minutes
Dancing 25 minutes
Day 8
Rollerblading 60 minutes
Day 9
Walking 35 minutes
Ab Workout 20 minutes
Running+Pushups+Squats+Abs 30 minutes
Day 10
Yoga 60 minutes
Day 11
2+ hours of packing/unpacking heavy items
2+ hours walking
5+ hours of dancing
(This was at YOUtopia music festival)
Day 12
3+ hours walking/hiking
Day 13
2+ hours walking
6+ hours dancing
Day 14
2+ hours walking/hiking/paking
Day 15 21
1 hour hiking
Day 16 (DID NOT MEET CRITERIA)
Abs 30 minutes
Day 17
Rollerblading 60 minutes
Day 18
Yoga 60 minutes
Day 19
Abs 30 minutes
Dancing 30 minutes
Day 20
NONE
Day 21 (DID NOT MEET CRITERIA)
Yoga 10 minutes
Day 22
NONE
Day 23
NONE
Day 24
Hiking 3 hours, 15 minutes
Day 25
Rollerblading 60 minutes
Walking 20 minutes
Day 26
Walking 2 hours
Dancing 4 hours
Day 27 (DID NOT MEET CRITERIA)
Walking 10 minutes
Hula Hooping 10 mintues
Day 28 (DID NOT MEET CRITERIA)
Walking 10 minutes
Day 29
NONE
Day 30
30 minutes walking
60 minutes hiking
In total I was successful 22 out of 30 days, not meeting the 60 minute criteria on 8 of the days. I am actually pretty disappointed with the results of this challenge, especially considering that some of the days I exercised the workout was not particularly intense (e.g. walking). But rather than beat myself up, I am going to examine my experiences and use them to refocus my energy in the future.
Some findings that were supported from this challenge are the following:
1) My favorite forms of at-home exercise include: dancing, rollerblading, hiking and yoga. If you do something you enjoy you are much more likely to be consistent with it.
2) Weekends are always a challenging time for me to work out, even though I tend to be fairly active during these times.
3) Overall it was very manageable to complete a consistent work-out routine at home.
4) I still prefer the structure, stimulation, intensity, and variety of a gym class.
5) It helps to start the day with exercise.
6) Doing an at-home plan allows for more fun adventures in the outdoors. I was able to explore hiking trails, and rollerblade by the beach on multiple occassions.
7) Solo dance parties are a lot of fun!!! It's a better workout than many dance aerobics classes and better music too! It's also a good exercise in letting go of self-conscious thoughts, and to improve your dancing.
8) Leading my own yoga routine is very possible, but not preferable to classes. It was particularly difficult to fill 60 minutes in my own routine compared to a class which seems to fly by.
9) Camping music festivals are the best place to get exercise that is both intense and enjoyable.
10) I need to do this challenge again.
I was fairly consistent with exercise, and had a decent variety but I could do much better. Additionally during this time I was striving for a healthy diet which I would say I did well 50% of the time whereas 25% of the time it was mixed, and 25% of the time it was downright horrible. Over the course of the challenge I lost up to 4 lbs, but ended up only losing a net weight of 1 lb by the end. Very disappointing...
I'm actually embarrassed to share this on a certain level, but my desire for scientific inquiry, authenticity and honesty outweighs my desire to avoid embarrassment. It's possible that a small amount of the variance is from muscle gain, but I have no way of going back and measuring that now. And even if there was some muscle gain that explains why I didn't lose very much weight in my efforts, I imagine the possible impact was very modest (~l lb).
In terms of my very limited weight loss, I don't blame the exercise as much as I do the inconsistencies with my diet. Years of experimentation with diet/exercise, as well as research I have done on the subject, suggest that diet is the most critical contributor to weight loss or gain. So while I plan on continuing my exercise routine and aiming for at least an hour a day, I know that what really needs to change is my consistency with healthy eating. (If my goal is weight loss that is.)
Which leads me to my next challenge...
NO ALCOHOL FOR 30 DAYS!
Try to contain your gasps of disbelief and horror.
Until next time....cheers!!! *Clinks water glass*
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
30 Day Challenge #1: Mindful Eating
I love new experiences. I love self-improvement and I love experimenting with new ways of being. So when I was introduced to the idea of a 30 Day Challenge, it immediately got my excitement gears turning.
I often experiment with new behaviors: challenging myself to a week of eating as a vegetarian, a week of meditation, or a month of consistent gym visits. When I was a child I enjoyed challenging myself to how many pancakes or pieces of pizza could I eat. (I believe it was around 7). Making arbitrary goals is a motivator for me, and transforms my everyday routine into an adventure.
I was first inspired to try this experiment by a brief TED Talk presented by Matt Cutts which you can view here.
His message is simple: try something new for 30 days. You can maintain almost anything for 30 days if you put your mind to it. (In fact some estimate that it takes 21 days to form a habit, so it just may stick.)
I wanted to begin with something relatively simple, fun, and meaningful. So I chose: mindful eating!
Now before I get into why I chose mindful eating, or the results of this challenge, I first want to explain a little a bit about what mindful eating is (and isn't). Mindful eating is not a diet plan, eating healthy, or even "watching what you eat". You can eat an In-N-Out cheeseburger or a bowl of ice cream just as mindfully as you can eat a salad or veggie stir-fry. Mindful eating is essentially a mindfulness exercise using food, such that when you eat you are present with your food. You become aware of what you are consuming and engage with your senses, attending to the tastes, textures, sights, and smells. It's the opposite of going on auto-pilot and allowing your mind to wander from your physical presence. Mindful eating means you are in the now and are tuned in to your food.
Well, don't we do this all the time? Maybe you do, but I don't! And this is precisely why this challenge was so appropriate for me.
I love food. I adore analyzing the flavors and savoring my meal, but all too often I find my mind drifting away. I have a habit of eating very fast, and before I know it, my meal is gone...all too soon.
So why Mindful Eating?
1) It's an easy way to embed a mindfulness practice into your daily routine. I eat multiple times a day, so this almost guarantees a mindfulness practice. It gives you something to anchor your practice to.
2) It can help with portion control. By learning to eat mindfully, my hope is that I will slow down my eating, which in turn will prevent me from overeating. If I slow it down, I will register feelings of fullness faster and feel more satisfied by my food.
3) It allows for greater enjoyment of food. I figure if you are going to eat ~3x/day anyway, you might as well enjoy it. Food is a simple pleasure that should be savored!
4) It can lead to healthier food choices. A plan for mindful eating may have the welcomed byproduct of making you more conscious of what you chose to eat in the first place. Or at the very least it can open your eyes to what you might want to change in the future.
5) It can help pinpoint emotional eating issues. When you notice yourself default into mindless eating you can ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Why did I just dissociate from my food? What led to this? It can also help you be more conscious of the emotions that led you to eat in the first place.
During my 30 Day Challenge I kept a daily log of the things I ate and at what times in order to increase my awareness of the food I was eating and to help hold myself accountable. I was able to record all of my meals and remember to eat mindfully at nearly every meal. However this challenge was not without it's challenges. I would often find myself drifting away during my meal, often due to Internet, TV, or conversation with others. The silver lining is that I would catch myself countless times and refocus my attention, much like you would if you are engaging in a meditation practice. I once heard the analogy of treating the mind like a wandering puppy. If the puppy wanders you don't yell at the puppy, but rather you gently guide it back. And the same goes for mindfulness.
During my own "wandering puppy" moments I made a point to observe what was going on during these times, and to identify what might help me minimize them in the future (facilitators vs. barriers to mindful eating). From these observations, I generated the following tips:
1) Eat fresh, healthy food. The better you feel about your food choices, the easier it is to be present with your food and the emotions that are attached to it. Also, if there is anything that tastes off about your food this practice is going to be much harder. A few times I ate produce that wasn't at the ideal freshness and it made savoring my food almost impossible.
2) Detach from distractions. If you have your phone by your side, the chances of you completing a mindfulness practice are incredibly slim. Of all the pitfalls, this was probably the biggest one for me.
3) Make time for meals. If you are feeling rushed, you're not going to to be able to slow yourself down. Make sure you set aside time in your day for your meal. And take note of when your mind wants to default to "I'm in a rush, I'm in a rush" mode. This is a natural impulse I notice in myself during a variety of activities.
4) Eat your favorite foods. If it's food that you truly like, you are going to have a much easier time savoring it...but only if you can resist the impulse to scarf it down. Look at this practice as an opportunity for self-care: to relax, nourish your body, and enjoy yourself.
5) Remind yourself that if you are enjoying your food, you will get to enjoy it longer if you slow it down! It's very counterintuitive that you would try to rush through something that you are enjoying, but it happens all the time.
6) Challenge yourself to analyze your food. What seasonings or flavors are you noticing? What adjectives would you use to describe it? What would you add/change about the dish? This kind of exploration can help you become more engaged with your practice. It can also help you become a better cook or more discerning in your future culinary endeavors!
7) Set your fork down. If you set your fork/spoon/sandwich down in between bites it's going to slow you down, and make mindfulness much easier!
7) Have some self-compassion. It's okay if your mind wanders, its normal. Just don't let that discourage you from practicing. Like I always say: You get good at what you practice. So don't sabotage yourself with unrealistic expectations, just focus on the process of learning. Also resist the impulse to beat yourself up about an unhealthy food choice. This will only drag you further into the depths of mindless, detached eating. (And you know what that leads to, right? More unhealthy food choices.) Rather take this setback as opportunity to tune into what you are feeling. Explore your relationship with food and target potential emotional eating habits that you can address. Do you eat when you are bored? Sad? Anxious? What could you do differently in the future when this comes up?
8) Keep practicing. It took you years to develop the habits you have now, so it's going to take some time to reverse them. It's not enough to start the meal off with an intention for mindful eating, you are going to have to keep reminding yourself throughout the meal.
Even though my 30 Day Challenge is technically complete, I plan on making Mindful Eating a daily practice. It's actually been a goal of mine for years, as I wrote a blog about it almost 3 years ago which you can view here.
At first I was judging myself for the fact that I STILL haven't mastered mindful eating, but then I realized that there is actually nothing wrong with this. If anything, I should be delighted that I have continued to remain determined to work on it over such a long period of time! And I imagine even 3 years from now I will still be working on it. But such is life! Most things are not achieved once and for all, but rather practiced and maintained.
I will not allow a desire for perfection to sabotage my personal growth. If I forgot to eat mindfully yesterday, so what?! I can get back on track today! So keep on munching mindfully!
I often experiment with new behaviors: challenging myself to a week of eating as a vegetarian, a week of meditation, or a month of consistent gym visits. When I was a child I enjoyed challenging myself to how many pancakes or pieces of pizza could I eat. (I believe it was around 7). Making arbitrary goals is a motivator for me, and transforms my everyday routine into an adventure.
I was first inspired to try this experiment by a brief TED Talk presented by Matt Cutts which you can view here.
His message is simple: try something new for 30 days. You can maintain almost anything for 30 days if you put your mind to it. (In fact some estimate that it takes 21 days to form a habit, so it just may stick.)
I wanted to begin with something relatively simple, fun, and meaningful. So I chose: mindful eating!
Now before I get into why I chose mindful eating, or the results of this challenge, I first want to explain a little a bit about what mindful eating is (and isn't). Mindful eating is not a diet plan, eating healthy, or even "watching what you eat". You can eat an In-N-Out cheeseburger or a bowl of ice cream just as mindfully as you can eat a salad or veggie stir-fry. Mindful eating is essentially a mindfulness exercise using food, such that when you eat you are present with your food. You become aware of what you are consuming and engage with your senses, attending to the tastes, textures, sights, and smells. It's the opposite of going on auto-pilot and allowing your mind to wander from your physical presence. Mindful eating means you are in the now and are tuned in to your food.
Well, don't we do this all the time? Maybe you do, but I don't! And this is precisely why this challenge was so appropriate for me.
I love food. I adore analyzing the flavors and savoring my meal, but all too often I find my mind drifting away. I have a habit of eating very fast, and before I know it, my meal is gone...all too soon.
So why Mindful Eating?
1) It's an easy way to embed a mindfulness practice into your daily routine. I eat multiple times a day, so this almost guarantees a mindfulness practice. It gives you something to anchor your practice to.
2) It can help with portion control. By learning to eat mindfully, my hope is that I will slow down my eating, which in turn will prevent me from overeating. If I slow it down, I will register feelings of fullness faster and feel more satisfied by my food.
3) It allows for greater enjoyment of food. I figure if you are going to eat ~3x/day anyway, you might as well enjoy it. Food is a simple pleasure that should be savored!
4) It can lead to healthier food choices. A plan for mindful eating may have the welcomed byproduct of making you more conscious of what you chose to eat in the first place. Or at the very least it can open your eyes to what you might want to change in the future.
5) It can help pinpoint emotional eating issues. When you notice yourself default into mindless eating you can ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Why did I just dissociate from my food? What led to this? It can also help you be more conscious of the emotions that led you to eat in the first place.
During my 30 Day Challenge I kept a daily log of the things I ate and at what times in order to increase my awareness of the food I was eating and to help hold myself accountable. I was able to record all of my meals and remember to eat mindfully at nearly every meal. However this challenge was not without it's challenges. I would often find myself drifting away during my meal, often due to Internet, TV, or conversation with others. The silver lining is that I would catch myself countless times and refocus my attention, much like you would if you are engaging in a meditation practice. I once heard the analogy of treating the mind like a wandering puppy. If the puppy wanders you don't yell at the puppy, but rather you gently guide it back. And the same goes for mindfulness.
During my own "wandering puppy" moments I made a point to observe what was going on during these times, and to identify what might help me minimize them in the future (facilitators vs. barriers to mindful eating). From these observations, I generated the following tips:
1) Eat fresh, healthy food. The better you feel about your food choices, the easier it is to be present with your food and the emotions that are attached to it. Also, if there is anything that tastes off about your food this practice is going to be much harder. A few times I ate produce that wasn't at the ideal freshness and it made savoring my food almost impossible.
2) Detach from distractions. If you have your phone by your side, the chances of you completing a mindfulness practice are incredibly slim. Of all the pitfalls, this was probably the biggest one for me.
3) Make time for meals. If you are feeling rushed, you're not going to to be able to slow yourself down. Make sure you set aside time in your day for your meal. And take note of when your mind wants to default to "I'm in a rush, I'm in a rush" mode. This is a natural impulse I notice in myself during a variety of activities.
4) Eat your favorite foods. If it's food that you truly like, you are going to have a much easier time savoring it...but only if you can resist the impulse to scarf it down. Look at this practice as an opportunity for self-care: to relax, nourish your body, and enjoy yourself.
5) Remind yourself that if you are enjoying your food, you will get to enjoy it longer if you slow it down! It's very counterintuitive that you would try to rush through something that you are enjoying, but it happens all the time.
6) Challenge yourself to analyze your food. What seasonings or flavors are you noticing? What adjectives would you use to describe it? What would you add/change about the dish? This kind of exploration can help you become more engaged with your practice. It can also help you become a better cook or more discerning in your future culinary endeavors!
7) Set your fork down. If you set your fork/spoon/sandwich down in between bites it's going to slow you down, and make mindfulness much easier!
7) Have some self-compassion. It's okay if your mind wanders, its normal. Just don't let that discourage you from practicing. Like I always say: You get good at what you practice. So don't sabotage yourself with unrealistic expectations, just focus on the process of learning. Also resist the impulse to beat yourself up about an unhealthy food choice. This will only drag you further into the depths of mindless, detached eating. (And you know what that leads to, right? More unhealthy food choices.) Rather take this setback as opportunity to tune into what you are feeling. Explore your relationship with food and target potential emotional eating habits that you can address. Do you eat when you are bored? Sad? Anxious? What could you do differently in the future when this comes up?
8) Keep practicing. It took you years to develop the habits you have now, so it's going to take some time to reverse them. It's not enough to start the meal off with an intention for mindful eating, you are going to have to keep reminding yourself throughout the meal.
Even though my 30 Day Challenge is technically complete, I plan on making Mindful Eating a daily practice. It's actually been a goal of mine for years, as I wrote a blog about it almost 3 years ago which you can view here.
At first I was judging myself for the fact that I STILL haven't mastered mindful eating, but then I realized that there is actually nothing wrong with this. If anything, I should be delighted that I have continued to remain determined to work on it over such a long period of time! And I imagine even 3 years from now I will still be working on it. But such is life! Most things are not achieved once and for all, but rather practiced and maintained.
I will not allow a desire for perfection to sabotage my personal growth. If I forgot to eat mindfully yesterday, so what?! I can get back on track today! So keep on munching mindfully!
Monday, March 18, 2013
100 Coping Skills
100 Coping Skills
1)
Listen to music
2)
Go for a walk
3)
Take a relaxing
bath or shower
4)
Drink some tea
5)
Deep breathe (5
counts in, 5 counts out)
6)
Call/text a friend
7)
Meditate
8)
Stretch
9)
Think about
something you are grateful for
10) Make a list of things you are grateful for
11)
Watch a funny video
12) Eat your favorite snack while
savoring the flavors
13)
Take a nap
14) Journal (write your
thoughts/feelings)
15) Write poetry
16) Read a book
17)
Cook or bake
18) Dance
19) Sing or play an instrument
20) Hug someone
21) Express yourself creatively
through art (e.g. drawing, coloring, painting)
22) Smile
23) Use positive affirmations (e.g.
“I can do this, I am a capable person”)
24) Plan something fun to look
forward to in future
25) Surf the Internet
26) Watch your favorite TV show
27) Play a board game or cards
28) Play video games
29) Take pictures
30) Exercise (e.g. running, yoga)
31)
Set a positive intention for the day (e.g.”
Today is going to be a good day.”)
32) Take moment to notice something
beautiful (e.g. focus on the colors/textures of an object, gaze up at the sky)
33) Pray, or contemplate on your
hope
34) Light a candle and relax
35) Write a letter (to yourself or
someone else)
36) Focus on self-compassion (i.e.
how would I talk to myself if I were talking to a good friend?)
37) Name your emotion, allow
yourself to observe the emotion without judgment
38) Cry
39) Clean or organize something
40) Go to a park
41) Compliment someone
42) Express your thoughts/feelings
to someone
43) Review old photos of positive
memories
44) Paint
your nails
45) Spend time with a pet
46) Do a relaxation exercise
47) Redirect negative thoughts to
more balanced thoughts
48) Find the silver lining in a
negative situation
49) Help someone else
50) Eat something healthy &
refreshing (e.g. fruit, vegetable)
51) Ask for help or support
52) Accept and become aware of what
you cannot control in a situation, and focus on what you can control
53) Brainstorm or problem solve for possible
solutions
54) Contemplate on your
meaning/purpose/values
55) Use guided imagery (e.g. imagine
a relaxing, pleasant scene)
56) Collect rocks, shells
57) Make a list of your choices in a
situation
58) Attend a self-help group
59) Create a schedule for your day
60) Spend time with someone positive
61) Sit in a hot tub, sauna or pool
62) Read inspirational quotes
63) Read self-help articles or books
64) Name 3+ of your positive
attributes
65) Take care of your physical appearance
(e.g. do your hair/makeup)
66) Take responsibility for your
part of a problem
67) Make a difficult situation into
a learning experience, focus on the learning opportunity
68) Visit a pet store, animal
shelter or feed animals outdoors
69) Aromatherapy (e.g. smell something
pleasant and inhale deeply)
70) Go for a drive
71)
Sew or knit
72) Think of all the people who
love/care about you
73) Do a puzzle, word search etc
74) Go out to eat
75) Have a picnic
76) Go to the library
77) Make a collage (e.g. make an
inspiration board of your future goals)
78) Squeeze a stress ball (or a
pillow etc)
79) Express your
appreciation/gratitude to someone
80) Read jokes or comics
81) Read a magazine
82) Ask yourself: “What do I need
right now?” and take steps towards it
83) Go window shopping
84) Create a specific plan of action
85) Chew gum
86) Go people watching
87) Go to a museum
88) Garden
89) Think of something you
accomplished that you are proud of
90) Focus on being in the present
moment (rather than being in the past or future)
91) Write a blog
92) Make a list of your personal
coping skills
93) Play a sport
94) Volunteer
95) Catch yourself when you are
over-thinking something
96) Write a thank-you card to
someone
97) Wash dishes
98) Get a massage (or self-massage)
99) Be with nature (e.g. forest,
beach)
100) Contemplate on
love (love for self, for others, the world)
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Living Authentically: Awareness of the status quo
Living by obligation seems to be the norm
Dreams of authenticity thrown away
The most important choices a person has to face in life...
Are made when it's "the right time"
it's "the right time" to say "I love you,"
it's "the right time" to say "I do"
it's "the right time" to say "Let's procreate"
When perhaps "the right time" is not right at all
Milestones achieved with an artificial sense of passion & inspiration
Beyond the facade, ringing hollow
How many times have people taken a shitty relationship to the "next level" because it's "the right time."
Motivated by the underlying fear of pain or discomfort
Loneliness
Living life by "shoulds" and "have to's"
How many of these could we do without?
How many people bring another human being into the world because they think they have to?
"I'm not getting any younger,"
"You'll never feel 'ready' so might as well do it now."
"Its the only way to be fulfilled"
"It's the right time"
It's "the right time"
To settle down
You can't be wild and passionate forever
Imagine the uncertainty of it all...
Follow the check list of fulfillment
Ready...set...go!!!
Career (check!)
Marriage (check!)
House (check!)
Children (check!)
What if I never want to check that box?
Will people accept me?
Will I be happy?
If not the checklist...
How will I get from A to B?
And what the hell are "A" and "B"?
Do "A" and "B" even exist?
Amidst the madness
Be present and aware
Authentic, above all
Be true to your core values
They are yours
And if you don't know what they are
Explore
The structure of life around you will tempt you with comforting answers
Manufactured certainty slashing your anxiety
Check lists, meaningful milestones
The Right Time
But I say, swim around in your uncertainty
Embrace the unknown
Delight in it
Choose with inspiration & adventure
Make your own blue prints
And throw away the fucking clock
Dreams of authenticity thrown away
The most important choices a person has to face in life...
Are made when it's "the right time"
it's "the right time" to say "I love you,"
it's "the right time" to say "I do"
it's "the right time" to say "Let's procreate"
When perhaps "the right time" is not right at all
Milestones achieved with an artificial sense of passion & inspiration
Beyond the facade, ringing hollow
How many times have people taken a shitty relationship to the "next level" because it's "the right time."
Motivated by the underlying fear of pain or discomfort
Loneliness
Living life by "shoulds" and "have to's"
How many of these could we do without?
How many people bring another human being into the world because they think they have to?
"I'm not getting any younger,"
"You'll never feel 'ready' so might as well do it now."
"Its the only way to be fulfilled"
"It's the right time"
It's "the right time"
To settle down
You can't be wild and passionate forever
Imagine the uncertainty of it all...
Follow the check list of fulfillment
Ready...set...go!!!
Career (check!)
Marriage (check!)
House (check!)
Children (check!)
What if I never want to check that box?
Will people accept me?
Will I be happy?
If not the checklist...
How will I get from A to B?
And what the hell are "A" and "B"?
Do "A" and "B" even exist?
Amidst the madness
Be present and aware
Authentic, above all
Be true to your core values
They are yours
And if you don't know what they are
Explore
The structure of life around you will tempt you with comforting answers
Manufactured certainty slashing your anxiety
Check lists, meaningful milestones
The Right Time
But I say, swim around in your uncertainty
Embrace the unknown
Delight in it
Choose with inspiration & adventure
Make your own blue prints
And throw away the fucking clock
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Cultivating Positivity
A large part of my adventures in awareness involves monitoring my thoughts. Thoughts, feelings and behaviors are all intertwined, and can have a profound impact on daily functioning and overall wellbeing. Often times, people in distress will try to change their feelings directly, thinking "I shouldn't feel this way." But in fact these kind of thoughts only perpetuate negative feelings. Rather than just feeling bad, you feel bad about feeling bad.
One rule of the thumb I try to live by is: "There is no such thing as a 'wrong' feeling." Whatever you are feeling, you are entitled to it. What matters is how you react to your feeling. In other words, even though you cannot control the way you feel, you have control over what thoughts and behaviors you generate in response to your feeling. This doesn't mean it's easy to change your thoughts and behaviors, but over time improvements can be made. Ultimately these improvements will lead to more permanent changes in automatic thoughts and emotional reactions.
Changing feelings takes time. But in the moment, you can chose what thoughts to think.
However, there is an exception to this. Just like emotional reactions, we have automatic thoughts (thoughts we cannot control), and often times these thoughts are negative. Whether they are about ourselves (I'm no good," "I can't do it."), about others ("she thinks she's better than me," "he doesn't care about me") or about the world ("life's unfair," "there's no hope for humanity."), everyone has them. Some just happen to have them more than others. While an automatic thought cannot be "rid of" it can be redirected and balanced. Rather than ruminating over these automatic negative thoughts, you can transition to positive ones. Look for the silver lining, give people the benefit of the doubt, attune yourself to positive posibilities and find evidence that contradicts your negative thoughts. Cultivate positivity.
But why is positivity important?
Positive thinking has been shown to have beneficial effects in several areas of life. Below I have included an excerpt from mayoclinic.com about the impact of positive thinking:
Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health. Health benefits that positive thinking may provide include:
Sounds pretty good, right? So, why aren't more people optimistic? These are the reasons that seem most likely to me:
1) The brain has evolved to notice the negative. Preventing potential danger or threat is more critical to survival than delighting in the joys of life.
2) Socially, negative events are more interesting to talk about. If you don't believe me, watch the news.
3) Many people assume that their feelings=reality. If you are feeling sad, angry, threatened etc, it is easy to interpret the situation in a way that is congruent with these emotions.
4) Negative thinking can be used to avoid situations that are scary or uncomfortable. For instance if you believe "I can't do it" then you never have to try, thus avoiding possible failure or rejection.
5) Negativity may be an ingrained habit learned early in life. If those around you engaged in negative thought patterns, you probably learned to think this way also.
5) People are generally afraid of breaking away from their point of view or seeing the world as uncertain or ambiguous. Entertaining positive thoughts requires you to consider that your perception of reality might not be accurate. Scarrrryyyyyyy.
6) Sometimes positive thinking "doesn't work." Many people try to think positive but still end up feeling bad or making poor choices. As a result they give up on positive thinking.
6) Positive thinking takes work! Cultivating positivity takes time, effort and awareness.
Although positive thinking takes work, I would argue: it's worth it! My chosen experiment for the week is: to see the positive in others. My hope is that by doing so I will have better interactions with others, improved quality in my relationships, and a better self-concept.
One situation that I have noticed where negativity towards others creeps in, is in the face of ignorance. I am extrememly irritated by ignorance, in fact I might even go as far to say I loathe ignorance. When people make (what I perceive as) misinformed comments, irrational generalizations, intolerant judgements, overconfident assertions, or state opinions as fact...I get so angry!! This is particularly true when I may know more about a given subject and my voice is not even heard. As a result I may harbor negative feelings towards a person or make negative judgements about their intellect or integrity.
On some level I think its okay for me to hate ignorance, but I still want to try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Above all, I do not want to let my emotional reaction to perceived ignorance to negatively affect my relationships or personal conduct.
Despite my motivation to make this change, I know finding the silver lining in this type of circumstance will be especially challenging for me. Some other negative thoughts that I want to direct myself away from include:
1) Assuming someone thinks negative things about me (e.g. thinking I'm stupid, boring, annoying, etc.)
2) Thinking that someone is trying to intentionally piss me off or snub me
3) Thinking that someone perceives themself as "better than me" in some way
4) Labeling or judging people (e.g. that person is dumb, lazy, conceited, selfish, attention-starved, ignorant)
5) Interpreting annoying or distressing behaviors as "intentional"
6) Thinking that someone has ulterior motives when they are doing something positive
7) Interpreting lack of positive attention from a person as an indicator of their dislike of me or that they "don't care."
These are just a few of the many examples of negative thoughts that one might have in regard to another person. My goal is to try an experiment in Positive Sentiment Override (e.g. always giving someone the benefit of the doubt). To do so I will utilize my positive filter, focusing on the most positive interpretation of the person/siutation that I can given the evidence that is presented to me.
Perhaps at times my positive interpretation will be false, but if the situation is ambiguous, what advantage does it give me to assume the negative without first gathering more information? During this experiment I will pay attention to the challenges and drawbacks of interpreting others positively, as well as the benefits. I'm hoping for mostly benefits.
"If you dislike someone, the way they hold their fork will make you furious. But if you like them, they can turn their plate over in your lap and you won't even mind."
--John Gottman, Ph.D, famous couples therapist & researcher
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If you're interested in watching a short video about How to Practice Positive Thinking watch here !
My cavaets to "positive thinking." Positive thinking should NOT be used to:
One rule of the thumb I try to live by is: "There is no such thing as a 'wrong' feeling." Whatever you are feeling, you are entitled to it. What matters is how you react to your feeling. In other words, even though you cannot control the way you feel, you have control over what thoughts and behaviors you generate in response to your feeling. This doesn't mean it's easy to change your thoughts and behaviors, but over time improvements can be made. Ultimately these improvements will lead to more permanent changes in automatic thoughts and emotional reactions.
Changing feelings takes time. But in the moment, you can chose what thoughts to think.
However, there is an exception to this. Just like emotional reactions, we have automatic thoughts (thoughts we cannot control), and often times these thoughts are negative. Whether they are about ourselves (I'm no good," "I can't do it."), about others ("she thinks she's better than me," "he doesn't care about me") or about the world ("life's unfair," "there's no hope for humanity."), everyone has them. Some just happen to have them more than others. While an automatic thought cannot be "rid of" it can be redirected and balanced. Rather than ruminating over these automatic negative thoughts, you can transition to positive ones. Look for the silver lining, give people the benefit of the doubt, attune yourself to positive posibilities and find evidence that contradicts your negative thoughts. Cultivate positivity.
Positive thinking has been shown to have beneficial effects in several areas of life. Below I have included an excerpt from mayoclinic.com about the impact of positive thinking:
Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health. Health benefits that positive thinking may provide include:
- Increased life span
- Lower rates of depression
- Lower levels of distress
- Greater resistance to the common cold
- Better psychological and physical well-being
- Reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
- Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress
1) The brain has evolved to notice the negative. Preventing potential danger or threat is more critical to survival than delighting in the joys of life.
2) Socially, negative events are more interesting to talk about. If you don't believe me, watch the news.
3) Many people assume that their feelings=reality. If you are feeling sad, angry, threatened etc, it is easy to interpret the situation in a way that is congruent with these emotions.
4) Negative thinking can be used to avoid situations that are scary or uncomfortable. For instance if you believe "I can't do it" then you never have to try, thus avoiding possible failure or rejection.
5) Negativity may be an ingrained habit learned early in life. If those around you engaged in negative thought patterns, you probably learned to think this way also.
5) People are generally afraid of breaking away from their point of view or seeing the world as uncertain or ambiguous. Entertaining positive thoughts requires you to consider that your perception of reality might not be accurate. Scarrrryyyyyyy.
6) Sometimes positive thinking "doesn't work." Many people try to think positive but still end up feeling bad or making poor choices. As a result they give up on positive thinking.
6) Positive thinking takes work! Cultivating positivity takes time, effort and awareness.
Although positive thinking takes work, I would argue: it's worth it! My chosen experiment for the week is: to see the positive in others. My hope is that by doing so I will have better interactions with others, improved quality in my relationships, and a better self-concept.
One situation that I have noticed where negativity towards others creeps in, is in the face of ignorance. I am extrememly irritated by ignorance, in fact I might even go as far to say I loathe ignorance. When people make (what I perceive as) misinformed comments, irrational generalizations, intolerant judgements, overconfident assertions, or state opinions as fact...I get so angry!! This is particularly true when I may know more about a given subject and my voice is not even heard. As a result I may harbor negative feelings towards a person or make negative judgements about their intellect or integrity.
On some level I think its okay for me to hate ignorance, but I still want to try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Above all, I do not want to let my emotional reaction to perceived ignorance to negatively affect my relationships or personal conduct.
Despite my motivation to make this change, I know finding the silver lining in this type of circumstance will be especially challenging for me. Some other negative thoughts that I want to direct myself away from include:
1) Assuming someone thinks negative things about me (e.g. thinking I'm stupid, boring, annoying, etc.)
2) Thinking that someone is trying to intentionally piss me off or snub me
3) Thinking that someone perceives themself as "better than me" in some way
4) Labeling or judging people (e.g. that person is dumb, lazy, conceited, selfish, attention-starved, ignorant)
5) Interpreting annoying or distressing behaviors as "intentional"
6) Thinking that someone has ulterior motives when they are doing something positive
7) Interpreting lack of positive attention from a person as an indicator of their dislike of me or that they "don't care."
These are just a few of the many examples of negative thoughts that one might have in regard to another person. My goal is to try an experiment in Positive Sentiment Override (e.g. always giving someone the benefit of the doubt). To do so I will utilize my positive filter, focusing on the most positive interpretation of the person/siutation that I can given the evidence that is presented to me.
Perhaps at times my positive interpretation will be false, but if the situation is ambiguous, what advantage does it give me to assume the negative without first gathering more information? During this experiment I will pay attention to the challenges and drawbacks of interpreting others positively, as well as the benefits. I'm hoping for mostly benefits.
"If you dislike someone, the way they hold their fork will make you furious. But if you like them, they can turn their plate over in your lap and you won't even mind."
--John Gottman, Ph.D, famous couples therapist & researcher
----------------------------------------------------------------
If you're interested in watching a short video about How to Practice Positive Thinking watch here !
My cavaets to "positive thinking." Positive thinking should NOT be used to:
- Ignore or avoid problems
- Assume that things will "work out" without putting in effort or using good judgement
- Invalidate someone's feelings (i.e. not empathizing & acknowleding their negative experience)
- Perpetuate irrational beliefs (e.g. "I'm going to win the lottery")
- Disregard or "get over" your own negative feelings without properly addressing them
- Discount facts or scientific evidence
- Avoid getting help when you need it (assuming that positive thinking is all you need)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Exercising my breath
NOTE: Although this post is titled July 27th, it is actually one I wrote on May 27th after I had actually practiced deep breathing exercises for a week. I had saved it as a draft and now remembered to publish it.
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It has been over a week since I began my experiments with deep breathing. With the exception of Monday I have been consistently practicing every day. I admit it can be hard to justify the 10 minutes. What does that say about my ingrained views on relaxation? After all, if I hadn't made relaxing a concrete goal for myself (i.e. an objective measure of productivity), would I have even done it at all?
Probably not.
Many people feel like they should be able to "handle" everything. I don't need help, I don't need to relax, I can cope, I can keep going. While I would say positive self-talk and self-motivation are two very admirable, adaptive, and healthy qualities, sometimes people can deny themselves the help they need under the facade of "being strong." From my standpoint, knowing when to engage in self-care and doing so in a healthy, productive way IS strong.
I say all this because there is the assumption that relaxing is a waste of time. Even as I commited myself every day to doing so, automatic thoughts of skepticism and doubt set in. How can I make this a habit if I'm still trying to convince myself it really works?
In order to address these feelings, on some of the days I recorded my automatic thoughts and my stress levels pre and post relaxation (on a scale of 1-10). I noticed that my subjective report of stress lowered an average of 2 points after the relaxation exercises (e.g. from a 5/10 to a 3/10). Perhaps there were other benefits during the day that I did not even notice. Perhaps I was more calm overall, and better able to handle the stress of the day. It's hard to tell what kind of lasting effects my relaxation might be having at this point in time but here are some things I have noticed immediately following a 10 minute deep breathing relaxation session:
1. Slightly decreased stress levels
2. Decreased heart rate
3. More awareness of how I'm feeling (e.g. anxious, stressed, irritated)
4. Feeling more calm and rejuvenated afterwards
5. Greater mental clarity
6. More positive thoughts about myself and the world
Some normal challenges one might experience with relaxation:
1. Feeling like it's a waste of time
2. Being skeptical about whether it will really "work"
3. Trying to push away feelings rather then just let them be, or pass on their own
4. Having difficulty quieting the mind; racing thoughts
5. Feeling unable to relax
6. Being distracted and not focusing on the deep breathing
7. Feeling uncomfortable with the deep breathing
8. And in some cases, trying to relax can provoke intense anxiety (if you have severe anxiety problems)
Just because you experience some of these challenges does not mean that you are doing something wrong: it's normal!! Relaxation, mindfulness, deep breathing, and meditation all take practice. The key is to try to let your feelings be, rather than to fight them. Accept how you feel but don't preoccupy yourself with it. With such a practice, you will be on your way to more mindful living and greater management of your fluctuating emotions.
I recognize that this is easier said than done. Even if you are unable to set aside time each day to engage in a relaxation exercise, you can take with you the spirit and principles of this technique. When you're starting to feel stressed, angry or upset acknowledge your feeling, accept it, let it be, and take a few deep breaths. You might be surprised how quickly the intensity of the emotion fades away and you are on to your next adventure in the day.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It has been over a week since I began my experiments with deep breathing. With the exception of Monday I have been consistently practicing every day. I admit it can be hard to justify the 10 minutes. What does that say about my ingrained views on relaxation? After all, if I hadn't made relaxing a concrete goal for myself (i.e. an objective measure of productivity), would I have even done it at all?
Probably not.
Many people feel like they should be able to "handle" everything. I don't need help, I don't need to relax, I can cope, I can keep going. While I would say positive self-talk and self-motivation are two very admirable, adaptive, and healthy qualities, sometimes people can deny themselves the help they need under the facade of "being strong." From my standpoint, knowing when to engage in self-care and doing so in a healthy, productive way IS strong.
I say all this because there is the assumption that relaxing is a waste of time. Even as I commited myself every day to doing so, automatic thoughts of skepticism and doubt set in. How can I make this a habit if I'm still trying to convince myself it really works?
In order to address these feelings, on some of the days I recorded my automatic thoughts and my stress levels pre and post relaxation (on a scale of 1-10). I noticed that my subjective report of stress lowered an average of 2 points after the relaxation exercises (e.g. from a 5/10 to a 3/10). Perhaps there were other benefits during the day that I did not even notice. Perhaps I was more calm overall, and better able to handle the stress of the day. It's hard to tell what kind of lasting effects my relaxation might be having at this point in time but here are some things I have noticed immediately following a 10 minute deep breathing relaxation session:
1. Slightly decreased stress levels
2. Decreased heart rate
3. More awareness of how I'm feeling (e.g. anxious, stressed, irritated)
4. Feeling more calm and rejuvenated afterwards
5. Greater mental clarity
6. More positive thoughts about myself and the world
Some normal challenges one might experience with relaxation:
1. Feeling like it's a waste of time
2. Being skeptical about whether it will really "work"
3. Trying to push away feelings rather then just let them be, or pass on their own
4. Having difficulty quieting the mind; racing thoughts
5. Feeling unable to relax
6. Being distracted and not focusing on the deep breathing
7. Feeling uncomfortable with the deep breathing
8. And in some cases, trying to relax can provoke intense anxiety (if you have severe anxiety problems)
Just because you experience some of these challenges does not mean that you are doing something wrong: it's normal!! Relaxation, mindfulness, deep breathing, and meditation all take practice. The key is to try to let your feelings be, rather than to fight them. Accept how you feel but don't preoccupy yourself with it. With such a practice, you will be on your way to more mindful living and greater management of your fluctuating emotions.
I recognize that this is easier said than done. Even if you are unable to set aside time each day to engage in a relaxation exercise, you can take with you the spirit and principles of this technique. When you're starting to feel stressed, angry or upset acknowledge your feeling, accept it, let it be, and take a few deep breaths. You might be surprised how quickly the intensity of the emotion fades away and you are on to your next adventure in the day.
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