Challenges in Relaxation

Relaxation is not something that comes easy to me. For much of my life I've been an anxious person, always worrying about what I'm going to do next. "If I don't worry about it, it's not going to get done," I might think. I have learned to become less anxious over time but there is always room to grow. One domain that this is particularly true is in the realm of relaxation.

I don't particularly enjoy relaxing. On my days off I want to be out and about, not lounging around  For instance, when I go on vacation I've never really been one to enjoy laying out by a pool. I feel lazy and like I'm wasting time. And wasting time is one of the worst things a person can do. After all, we only have one life to live!

I realize that this is embedded in my culture and upbringing that success = productivity. "Be active. Go, go go!" And I genuinely enjoy this lifestyle, most of the time. I like being busy. I don't want to sit around the house on my days off, and I doubt that's going to change any time soon.

On the other hand without relaxation, stress and anxiety build. The sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive leading to more stress. And we all know that too much stress is counterproductive to success and contributes to a variety of health conditions including: heart disease, stroke, depression, anxiety, digestive problems, sleep disturbance, and concentration/memory difficulties. Stress is inevitable but how we cope with it is not. A simple way to relieve stress and anxiety relates to the most basic human function: breathing.

Yesterday I was speaking with my supervisor and we arrived at the topic of deep breathing. He expressed to me the importance of breathing, particularly in relation to treating clients with anxiety, and how to properly deep breathe. The major guidline that a person needs to know is that the breath should be visible from the stomach, not from the chest. Try taking a deep breath. Did your chest rise? If so you are actually causing more stress in your sympathetic nervous system. Tension is sustained, not relieved.

My supervisor also emphasized the fact that I would not be able to properly teach breathing or mindfulness to my clients unless I had a proficient understanding of it myself. He suggested that in order to begin to understand deep breathing it's necessary to practice it every day for at least 2 weeks. Ideally you'd practice 2x/day for 15 minutes, but I have committed to practicing 1x/day for 10 minutes.

I am still learning about the benefits that breathing can bring. Many people brush these benefits off, as I have many times in the past. I have to admit I don't particularly like the feeling of breathing through my stomach, it makes me feel weird and like I have a protruding pregnant belly...but I'm getting used to it.

I have had a decent amount of experience with taking slow breaths from my years of yoga practice, so in this way the concept of deep breathing makes sense. When I focus on breathing I aim for at least 5 counts for an inhale and 5 counts for an exhale. I also have learned to notice when I am starting to feel anxious or frustrated, and I focus on taking deep breaths in order to calm my body and mind. But in terms of relaxing, breathing deeply and meditating for 10 minutes STRAIGHT, that is not something I'm particularly good at. For example every time I'm in yoga and we are supposed to lay down and clear our minds, mine goes CHITTER CHATTER! 

So here begins my experiment with deep breathing and relaxing every day for 10 minutes. It still feels like a waste of time sometimes (afterall, I could use the time to exercise instead), but I'm keeping an open mind.

To be continued...

Munching Mindfully

An exercise in mindfulness that I am currently experimenting with is mindful eating. This means focusing my awareness on the tastes, textures, scents, and sights provided by food. Rather than eating passively, I am trying to eat deliberately so that I can savour my food.

Eating is so simple and routine that it's easy to eat on autopilot. You may barely even notice how much you are eating, or exactly what it tastes like. Maybe you are eating on the go, in front of a TV, or while you're attention is occupied. The food disappears but you hardly register the process it took to eat it.

This kind of eating is perpetuated by our culture. Productivity is one of America's most cherished values, and if you are taking too much time to eat, you're wasting time. Equally, our culture has a lot of shame and guilt attached to food. Thinness is worshiped like a God, so eating is often seen as gluttonous and self-indulgent. Especially for those who have experiences with dieting, poor body image or eating disorders, eating can become a task riddled with guilt and regret. After a weekend of breaking from a diet I might say "I was bad this weekend" or if I adhered to a diet plan I might say "I was really good." Since when did food become a battle between good vs. evil?

As a society we eat fast and suffer from a host of mixed messages. On one hand we are confronted with thoughts like "Oh wow that chocolate cake looks so heavenly!"or "I don't have time to cook a meal, I'll just pick up some fast food." And on the other hand we might be trying to lose weight and live a "healthy" lifestyle. Indulge. Deprive. Be thin. Eat cheeseburgers. Huh?

Is it possible to eat with pleasure without the over-indulgence or the guilt? To eat for enjoyment, but also for sustenance? This is why I think mindful eating can help...

I am normally a fast eater. I can hardly help it. Even though I enjoy, appreciate and analyze food I still eat soooo fast! I have been trying to slow down but have found myself largely unsuccessful. Sometimes I am so hungry by the time I eat dinner that I devour my food, other times I'm distracted and eat fast out of habit, and other times I find myself unconsciously feeling like if I don't eat my food fast enough, it's somehow going to disappear (when in reality it's the other way around). And perhaps some of the time I am eating fast to avoid feelings of discomfort or guilt. However, the main reason I eat fast is plain and simple: habit.

By eating with awareness my hope is that I can break this habit. If I try to tune into my food, I will naturally slow down and be more aware when I am starting to eat fast. By eating slower I can enjoy my food, register what I have ate, and have a better sense of when I am full. I can have a healthier relationship with food. Rather than feeling guilty about enjoying food I can embrace it. And interestingly the result will not be that I will eat more, but rather that I eat less.

So far my experiments with mindful eating have had the following effects:

1) Food tastes more robust. My taste buds seem more stimulated and am able to sense the multitude of flavors integrated within the food.

2) My ability to analyze ingredients in food has been enhanced. (This helps me replicate recipes with greater ease).

3) I have been eating a lot slower.

4) I feel calm, patient, and content (as opposed to rushed, ravenous, anxious, or guilty)

5) I feel full faster.

6) The process of eating feels like an "experience" rather than a routine.

7) I feel more satisfied by the food. By focusing on it's features, I am able to register them better. This makes it easier to stop eating when I am full.

8) I have started noticing textures and physical sensations of food that I didn't pay attention to before

So far it has been a worthwhile experience. Even practicing eating mindfully for a few minutes of a meal can be a good exercise. Perhaps one day I will be able to eat at a slower pace and with greater satisfaction all the time. It's not easy to break habits but over time they can get better.

If I could leave you with a parting message based on my knowledge and experiences I would say: Don't feel guilty about enjoying your food! It is one of life's pleasures and enjoying it will not make you eat more of it. If anything it will help you to eat more moderately, and yes, even lose weight. Try to attend to the flavors and textures in your food and see what differences you notice in the taste and the experience of eating. You might encounter a whole new dimension of food. Munch Mindfully.

What is Mindfulness?

A large part of my adventures in awareness will involve the practice of mindfulness. When I speak about mindfulness with others I most often get a reaction of confusion or skepticism. "What kind of hippie mumbo-jumbo are you blabbering on about?" I imagine they are thinking.

It may sound ethereal to some but in reality the concept of mindfulness is rather simple. The best way I can describe it is the practice of present awareness. It involves living in the moment and paying attention to the now...in a calm, non-judging way.  This involves becoming aware of your internal stimuli (your thoughts, feelings, and sensations) in relation to your environment, and just letting them be. Just observe and accept.

Mindfulness originated as a Buddhist spiritual practice but has since infiltrated the Western world, especially within the realm of Psychology. Mindfulness has been applied to a variety of mental health issues including: depression, anxiety, pain management, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), ADHD, substance abuse, stress, suicidal behavior, and even weight loss. The therapeutic benefits of mindfulness have been well studied and are gaining momentum in psychotherapy and popular culture. Not only does mindfulness help treat several health issues, but it also enhances overall wellness and satisfaction in life.

My personal reasons for wanting to become more aware and mindful are as follows:

1. I will be more present with others. I believe being present leads to active listening, rich conversation and genuine human connection. Have you ever talked to someone who was not paying attention or seemed unengaged in your conversation? Not very fun is it? This is the kind of behavior I'm trying to avoid.

2. I want to become more familiar with my surroundings. This requires attention and awareness.

3. I do not want to get so caught up in the past or the future, that I do not enjoy the now. If you're in the habit of anticipating the future or on ruminating/reminiscing about the past, you're never really enjoying where you are at.

4. I will be able to dispel negative thoughts and/or anxiety more quickly. By being mindful and simply allowing my feelings to happen and paying attention to my physiology, I will be more efficient at redirecting my focus to more constructive thoughts and feelings.

5. It will help me become more in tune with my senses. I will be able to see more clearly, hear more profoundly, touch more sensitively, taste more fully, and smell more deeply. I will be able to perceive more of what life has to offer my human limits.

6. I will be better at "thinking before reacting". By being aware of my thoughts/feelings etc. I will more carefully consider my reaction to a given situation. Therefore, I'll make wiser choices.

7. I will be able to develop a new vigor for life. By being mindful I can savor the moment, notice things that are novel to me, and appreciate what I have more fully. Enthusiasm for the NOW!

8. I will be more successful with my clients. Not only will I be more adept at being active and present with my clients, but I will be able to teach them what I have learned about mindfulness.

9. I will gain greater satisfaction from my work. By staying in the present moment I will be immersed in my work, rather than anticipating when my shift is over or focusing on the dread I may feel related to an upcoming task.

10. I'll be able to enjoy my free time more. Rather than preoccupying myself with stressors, thoughts of work, or the future, I will be able to relish the moments where I am most content. When a moment may seem dull, I'll see the opportunity to make it exciting!

11. I will be more in touch with "reality" or the existence of multiple realities. When you are mindful, you start to understand that your unexamined feelings/reactions to a situations do not represent ultimate reality. Being in the moment gives you the chance to see things you might not ordinarily see, and break from typical interpretations of the world around you. Less assuming, more observing and questioning.

12. I will learn more about myself, others, and the world around me. I love exploring new knowledge and insights. Awareness is where it all begins.

13. I will be able to make more positive changes for myself and others. Without awareness, areas for growth or improvement cannot be pursued. To solve a problem, you must first know there is a problem.

I'm sure there are other reasons that I have not listed, but this is a good start. Currently I am reading a book called "1,001 Ways to Live in the Moment," which has been helping me begin my awareness adventures. I look forward to sharing my discoveries.

Well I'm off to the next moment! Oh wait, I'm already here.